Schedules and How We Make it all Happen

 

 My Stance on Schedules and How I Keep Them

or don't...

My dear friends, I have always known that I work better on a schedule. When the school year would end, I loved my summer break but, I could feel the weight of not having a schedule eating at me after a few weeks. I was always ready to get back to work so that I had my routine back. As much as I know I need a schedule I will be contradicting myself through this whole post. Parenting is not straightforward, especially when you throw in multiple children and wide age ranges. 

Although there are six people in our family I will focus on two family members' schedules in particular with a little dabbling in one or two others. This time in our life, more than any other, is requiring me to think differently about how to make it all work. With distance learning, we have to take into account that Autzen (almost 13 years old) could lead a very sedentary life. On top of that, we have five of us living in a studio apartment. This means that everyone's schedule affects everyone else. 

I'll start with my guy Autzen. Autzen will be 13 in just under two weeks! He has ADHD and is doing distance learning for 7th grade. Because I have so much to say about ADHD and schedules I'm going to bullet list them. 

• I believe that a schedule and routine are good for everyone, but when talking about the ADHD brain it becomes part of your self-care. It truly is part of his mental health regimen. 

• We try to keep his weekend bedtime and wake up time about the same as the weekdays. This helps overall with regulating his emotions. This isn't to say that he is always in bed at the same time, but we try to stay within an hour and on crazy fun occasions allow him to stay up later (knowing that it may come back to haunt us). 

• 8 months ago we had a pretty set routine. Bedroom time started at 8:00 for Autzen and lights out by 10:00. This gave him time to decompress and wind down. 

• In our new setup, he is fairly free to be wherever he'd like as long as he is quiet and doing something constructive like drawing or reading. 

• We still have a strict 10:00 pm lights out rule.

• Generally, he is in his "bedroom between 8:30 and 9:00. 

• Part of Autzen's schedule is to take melatonin around 9:00 pm. This is an important step to help him turn his brain down enough to sleep. 

• His natural wakeup time varies greatly. Sometimes he'll be up really early like 5:00 am and other times he would sleep until 10 if we didn't wake him up (that's a guess because we always wake him up!). Now that we are on a farm I have been waking him up between 7:00 and 7:15 so that he can get the farm animals fed and go on a walk with his Poppy. 

• School does not start until 9:20....that is just crazy to me! Half the day is gone! This means that we have to have something to fill a couple of hours in the morning before school starts. 

• At 11:30 he rides his bike or gets a ride from his Nana, to pick up the school district free lunch for us. He gets back to "class" at 12:05. 

• His school day is done between 2:15 and 3:00, depending on the workload for that day. 

• After school we have a snack, catch up and try to get outside. 

• Autzen does immensely better with lots of outside time. Before moving here we had an hour scheduled in the day where he had to go outside. Now that we're here he is spending closer to at least two hours a day outside. It is a game changer! (Pray for us in the rainy winter weather!)

• Part of his schedule includes time for electronics. This could include time on his Chromebook, the X-box, or an audiobook. This is not regularly scheduled but happens pretty frequently. We monitor his electronics time closely because he is sensitive to too much of it. 

To break it down at a glance it goes roughly like this;

• 7:15 wake up
• 7:30 Morning Chores: pills, feed/water dog and let him out, feed the farm animals, go on a 2 mile walk with Poppy, make his bed
• 8:30 Family Service: odd jobs outside of assigned chores. Often this is playing with his baby brothers but can also include farm jobs and organizing things.
• 9:15 Head over to Nana and Poppy's (across the driveway) to start school at their dining room table
• 11:30 Ride his bike almost a mile to pick up lunches and ride back. EAT!
• 12:05 Back to school
• 2:30 School is over! Go home and check-in
• 3:00 Outside with family
• 5:00 Go inside so I can prep dinner
• 6:00 Dishes 
• 6:30 to 8:30 Constructive time, electronics, outside, movie
• 9:00 In bed
• 10:00 Lights out

Barret is just two and a half and has a much looser schedule. I do like to stick as close as I can to his nap times, but honestly, I do not build my day around it. We are flexible with our schedule from day to day. I will say that the days that we stick closest to it are generally better. Or, at least, they don't cause the next day to be rough. 

• Barrett is pretty consistent with his morning wake up time. It is almost always around 7:20.

• We have a relaxed few minutes of cuddling while sleepy. As he is waking up I try to get myself as ready for the day as I can. Once Barrett is going this gets really tricky. 

• The biggest struggle right now is getting him dressed. He gets to feed his fish as soon as he has his clothes on for the day. This has been the most motivating thing for him! 

• Before 8:00 we usually get breakfast eaten, get dressed, and have started playing! We have until about 9:15 to play with Autzen. I love the days we get outside this early!

• On our most focused days, we start pre-school at 9:20, when Autzen has gone to school. Pre-school work usually lasts for about 20 minutes with a focus on doing three workbook pages (these are very simple and created for his age) and four rounds of a dice game (roll the die and count the dots together, he tells me the total and then he puts that many pennies on a grid, then it's the other person's turn to roll). 

• After pre-school, we really need to get outside if we haven't been yet. This last week we went on a long walk at this time and he fell to sleep each time. This leads me to try moving his nap time earlier....that was a no-go!

• Barrett either helps me with chores, I play with him or he plays on his own until lunchtime.

• If he didn't get a nap before lunch then we try after. We have a rest time routine that includes putting up his blue rest-time sign, turning on a 30-minute timer on my phone, and getting in his bed. The goal is that he falls to sleep within those 30 minutes, though that is not at all how it has been going down lately. My worst fear may be coming to fruition...he may be done with naps...

• We try to get back outside in the afternoon, especially when Autzen gets out of school! 

• The evening has been tricky so I have shifted my thinking on it. If I am cooking dinner then I start earlier in the day, like 4:00. After dinner, or if Elijah cooks, I devote my time to playing with him. I had been trying to clean and such but it just doesn't work. Barrett and Grayson get my evening time. We do specific evening activities like Legos (not allowed during other parts of the day, odd, but it works) and a bunch of Dollar Tree craft items!

• Between 7:30 and 8:00 I get B into bed. I have this broken out into its own list so that I can talk about the details of how it's done. 

Anyone with a toddler, get your notepad, this is good. We have a brand new bedtime routine for this little man! At the house, he was having some trouble falling to sleep and needed me to sit with him. This could take anywhere from 10 to 45 minutes. Recently it got up to 90 minutes of me sitting with him in his bed (while nursing/holding Grayson) and reading to him, talking to him, showing him pictures on my phone, listening to an audiobook, or wrestling him to lay back down. I was really struggling with how to do this without having an actual bedroom for him. I thought for a long time on it, conversed with my mom, and thought even longer on it. I revamped it and we're closer to 15 to 30 minutes. 

The first night of this routine took 77 minutes with countless times of him getting out of his bed and crying. Each time I picked him up and carried him back to his bed. I did not interact with him any more than carrying him. The second night was 25 minutes and the third was 15 minutes!!! 

• I started by telling Barrett what to expect. I talk him through the routine a few times throughout the day. I did this a ton in the first few days and I am still doing it. At one point I set an alarm so I wouldn't forget to talk him through it. 

• We start by looking at his star chart and talking about how if he stays in his bed he gets a sticker! I started really small so that he had immediate success. I told him on the second day that if he stayed in his bed he could buy something at the store (the Dollar Tree). He did not earn it that day, but he only got out of his bed once. This is the key, I had to stay strong and not give into him doing so much better. He earned his first prize on the next night! He stayed in his bed the whole time. He now has to get two stickers to get a prize. Once he earns the next one I'll bump it up to 3 stickers until we're at 5. 

• Then he goes to the bathroom and getting on his pullup and jammies. 

• Then we wash his face and hands with a warm washcloth.

• I read him a story in a chair. I like it in a chair a lot because it creates more of a delineation between his "bedroom" and the rest of our space. 

• When the book is over I carry him to his bed and remind him that I love him, he's safe and he can see me. I remind him again that if he stays in his bed he gets a sticker! 

• He is usually fussy as I lay him down. The first night was horrible, but after that hasn't been too bad. We interrupted this new training with a trip and then staying up late so it is not as good as it would be if we had stayed consistent. 

• I wanted to incorporate not crying into getting a sticker but it is too soon for that. I am going back to just staying in his bed. 

• This is an adapted version of the Cry It Out method. I believe strongly that, although this is hard the first two nights, it is overall incredibly helpful and important to his sleep health and mine. 

For myself, I have a schedule that is my dream vs what is actually happening. But, really, I am loving my schedule and looking forward to honing it and making it top-notch! Baby Gray doesn't really have a schedule. At five months old the guy still eats and sleeps most of the day. Seriously, he goes down for his first nap around 9:00 am, and then it's off and on napping all day. He is usually sleeping for the night by 8:30 this last week. This is huge compared to the 11:00 pm sleep time he pulled the first few months of his life. My schedule is basically the kids' schedule so scroll on back up to see what I'm doing! Nah, just kidding! That is the basis for my schedule. Below are the things I try to get into my day and what I am hoping to add. 

• I'd like to start by saying that I do not take naps! I thought I would want to as a SAHM but I don't. Instead, I have a 2 o'clock coffee! 

• First thing in the morning I try to get my contacts in and get dressed. This makes my day start out so much better, you know, when you can see. 

• My dad brings me a pot of French press coffee every morning at about 7:30.

• After getting Autzen out the door to do his chores I get Barrett fed. 

• Every morning, as soon as I can, I make my bed and Barrett's bed. I posted about this before and shared that I didn't know if I'd be able to do it long term. Well, friends, look at me now! I'm still keeping it up every single day! It is so important in such a small place and feels so good to do it!

• I do the dishes after every meal or enlist Autzen in doing them for me. 

• Every day I try to get one more task marked off my list. It is still usually things around organizing our things in the small space. Getting rid of more items, reorganizing until it works. 

• Exercising! Right now this is in the form of a long walk. I want to begin incorporating yoga into my routine! After having the baby and turning 40 I am so tight and miss when I did yoga. This is my winter days goal! 

• Once the two little guys are asleep I try to play a game with Autzen once or twice a week. This gives him some specific one-on-one time and I love me some games! The other night he and I started the Firefly series! 

• Once everyone is asleep I either work on my blog, put away laundry, showering, read or watch movies on my phone with headphones in. The funny thing about this is that I used to live for going to bed by 8:30 and sleeping by 9....sometimes even sleeping by 8:30! Now I am always awake till 10 but usually closer to 11:00. Thank you, 2 o'clock coffee! 

There you have it, how we get it done! We are getting closer to a really smooth working schedule and couldn't be happier about it. I need to focus more on Barrett's and my schedule, but I like where it is going so far. If you wanted more details about anything brought up here shout it out in the comments!